I stopped growing emotionally at the age of 17 when I started drinking. The alcohol killed the pains that were so necessary to mature. I’m still 17 years old.
The alcohol related problems that have occurred in society today, like people getting killed in auto accidents, or the health related issues like a rotten liver due to heavy drinking, are widely publicized by the media. Kids are told that they can’t drink and drive.
But it doesn’t stop them. I only have to go back to my daughter’s comment to find the reason why she was drinking: “Dad I’m shy and it makes it easier for me to have a conversation with other people.”
Why is this comment she made so troubling to me? Because if the booze helps her with her shyness, then when will she ever develop the skills to talk to people without the booze? When young people make it a habit to drink in order to deal with problems they have socially, this causes their emotions to go dormant at the age that they started to drink, which then prevents them from maturing emotionally. Drinking becomes their social and emotional coping mechanism.
These young people do not experience the natural growing pains that must be gone through where they learn how to interact with others on their own, without using the alcohol to help them. Natural growing pains that are part of the maturing process should not be avoided or salved by the use of alcohol because the alcohol will only retard maturity or cause it to never be developed. Young people who drink become extremely one dimensional. They do not become interesting people. They don’t develop a wide variety of interests or hobbies. They have desire to hang around with anyone who seems different, so they really limit the kinds of things they talk about or do.
They basically stay stuck where they are at the age they started drinking. This whole thing reminds me of a book I read by Robert Bly called The Sibling Society. This book talks about a society with no vertical vision. The only gaze that the people have is a horizontal one. This means that people can see only those who are in their immediate view. As we now go through yet another generation of alcohol abuse it’s time to realize what alcohol is really doing to our young people who have to learn how to be emotionally mature, but won’t if they continue to drink.
We can’t rely on the media to communicate this societal problem. The media without fail covers stories about stars who have alcohol and drug abuse related problems. What comes across to young people is that these stars enter a rehabilitation program for drug and alcohol addiction, and then they come out waving to the public looking perfectly cured. The only message that gets conveyed is that there are no really bad consequences to drinking. I think the thing that troubles me the most is the observations that I have made of my own life. At 25 years old I was a heavy drinker and I really didn’t know why I drank the way I did. Often I would go the refrigerator for a beer and ask myself the question, am I thirsty or depressed? I really didn’t have the answer then. I believe that I do now.
The reality is I wasn’t comfortable in my own skin. Social situations made me uncomfortable, a few drinks did the trick and I became more adept at holding conversations with other people and interacting in a group. When I was 35 years old my daughter Sarah was born and I made the decision to quit drinking so that she would never see the damaging effects of alcohol. My daughter started to drink for the same reason that I did which frightens me to no end. I guess I am going to have to go through some growing pains now at 53 years old, along with my daughter who is almost 17. I wish that I had been through this process 30 years ago. I wonder who will grow up first, my daughter or me. Time will tell.
By James Burns
About The Author: Jim Burns is one of America’s most inspirational educational speakers. His humorous and insightful presentations touch and influence his audiences in an unforgettable way. Best known for his presentations on Bullying, Motivating Disaffected Students, Diffusing Power Struggles,& Character Education. http://behavioral-management.com
Article courtesy of articles-hub.com.
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